Dear reader,
“Letters to the Editor”. Reader responses add so much to the conversation, and this week we have two. First, Shawn Loh questions some of Bobby Jayaraman’s arguments about the use of our CPF monies and reserves. Second, Joshua Wong wonders if the protest against local academic links with Jerusalem’s Hebrew University represents a double standard of sorts, “prejudice masquerading as principle”. Thank you, Joshua and Shawn. Read their letters now. And please respond to them if you wish.
“Singapore This Week”. In our weekly digest, we discuss the Singaporean reaction to Trump 2.0; “How tyranny begins”, a video by The New York Times, featuring a familiar face; Shanmugam’s misguided views on the death penalty; Cherian George’s latest metaphor for the Singapore condition; the billion-dollar private tuition industry; Singaporean actresses making it in London; the Singapore Symphony Orchestra and ArtSee; the dangers lurking in tech repair shops; and more.
Essay: “The unbearable silence of Chinese New Year”. James Leong, first-time Jom author, examines an almost universal aspect of being Asian: family gatherings. Most of us have probably been there. Comments about looks and career choices. Gossip about the new partner. Awkward silences with what’s-their-name-again? The obstacle course of footwear as you enter. Sometimes good food. Always internal strife, as each person balances some ancestral obligation to the family with individual choice—how you spend your time, and with whom.
“For many, the new year is a time when they are expected to keep up appearances while setting aside unhealthy family dynamics, often rooted in unresolved childhood conflict, that manifests as parental favouritism, sibling rivalry, narcissism, gaslighting and bullying.”
For this piece, James, an independent counsellor at Listen without Prejudice, combines interviews with three individuals, each dealing with their own form of fam-jam trauma, with insights from other counsellors and writers. In the process, he debunks some stereotypes and misconceptions—for instance, elderly loneliness is not confined to those who live alone, and in fact afflicts many in multigenerational households. And he also celebrates chosen families and other forms of respite for those who, for whatever reason, simply don’t gel with their biological ones.
“It’s vital to understand that feeling disconnected is also a form of loneliness. There is nothing lonelier and more isolating than conforming to a narrative that is far removed from one’s reality; pretending that all is well when it is not.”
Some of you will be ringing in the Chinese New Year in the cheery company of loved ones. You’re lucky. For others, Chinese and non-Chinese alike, who often have trouble navigating these thorny family dynamics, I do hope that James’s essay helps you feel seen.
Jom raya,
however you want to,
with whomever you want to,
Sudhir
Editor-in-chief, Jom
Behind Jom’s art, with Charmaine Poh
Our longtime collaborator, Michelle Tan, has sensitively illustrated an intricate scene of familial disarray during a Chinese New Year reunion dinner. Without pointing fingers at any individual, the image depicts the possible consequences when fractious biological family members get together. Festive occasions are, by their nature, a catalyst for all sorts of emotional spillage. Through objects and spaces, Michelle invites us to sit with the complexity of biological family.
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